A Humanist Funeral to Celebrate the Life of Carl Lüdicke Background Music: Tears in heaven by Eric Clapton Opening Words Welcome to this humanist burial service for Carl Lüdicke. You are here because Carl was an important part of your lives, which will never be same again without him; or because you cared about Carl, wish to pay him your last respects and offer some solace to his grieving family. My name is John Buckell and Carl’s family has asked me to conduct his funeral as a humanist. Humanists believe it is not necessary to believe in God or an afterlife in order to lead good, meaningful lives in mutual harmony and co-operation, because our shared humanity is sufficient. Carl was not a religious person so this ceremony will not be a religious one, but there will certainly be an opportunity for those of you with a religious faith to say your own private prayers if you wish. I did not know Carl personally, but I shall do my very best to speak on his family’s behalf. We are all here to mourn his passing, of course, but more importantly to celebrate his life. This is Carl’s day, his special day, a day on which to remember all that he meant to you and to bid him the fondest of farewells. Whatever our beliefs, we are all united today in that spirit. Thoughts on Life and Death Carl was 19 years old, on the threshold of his adult life, full of dreams and hopes for the future that will not now be fulfilled. He died suddenly and unexpectedly, leaving his family in a state of shock, struggling to come to terms with the bewildering reality of a world, which, for them, has been totally transformed. The word for this is tragedy, for nothing less will do. Our hearts cry out at the injustice of a universe that can deny a young man like Carl, who had so much to give, the opportunity to live out his life to its full term. Death, we feel, properly belongs in old age, with tasks completed, not in youth with the denial of so much promise. We feel for Carl’s brother, Alan, Alan’s fiancée Amie, his surviving grandparents John. Joan and Klaus his cousins Reme, Ria, Alex,James and Thomas and his friends Aaron and Vickie, and most especially for his parents, Michael and Tina, for no-one expects to outlive their child, and to do so must seem such a cruel inversion of the natural order of things. However, we live in a world where happiness and suffering exist side by side, and where light cannot exist without shadow. Life contains both good and ill and must be accepted as a whole. Carl would not be so deeply mourned were he not so deeply loved. Let us be glad that he lived and rejoice in his life and all that he gave to those who knew him, for no matter how brief, his life is of enduring significance in your own lives. The world is never the same once any of us has lived in it, and Carl has left his mark. His influence remains in the people he knew, his friends at school and college, and his family; and he leaves behind his designs and poetry. Carl will never be completely gone as long as those who loved him are alive to remember him. Recall the things he did and said, his quirks and mannerisms and turns of phrase. Treasure these memories and they will bring you comfort when you miss Carl’s physical presence in the days ahead. It matters less that Carl has died than that he lived, and that in living he enriched your own lives forever. Tribute by Alex Wheeler ( Carl's cousin ) Carl and I were born in the same year, he has always been part of my life. At family get-togethers we were inseparable, I’m sure that all of the cousins have many fond memories of the times that the six of us have spent in Nan and Granddad’s back garden; playing games, chasing each other around, climbing trees, towing each other in that little red cart, bonfires and fireworks on November 5th and, of course, the famous Easter egg hunt every year. The latter will always be one of our favourite childhood memories. Every year, rain or shine, the Easter bunny would hide eggs all over the enormous garden. We would be kept inside until he was finished and then, when it was time, all hell broke loose as we piled out of the door and raced down the garden. There were always far too many eggs, but we would still seek them out as if we had been starved for weeks, and Carl and I would compete to get the most. Of course, as we became older we were no longer allowed to take part in the hunt; instead we would mysteriously disappear with the other adults as they had done in years gone by, coincidentally re-emerging just as the bunny had finished hiding the eggs. How Freddy never caught the bunny I will never understand, but Carl was always there. Another place that has always been very special for the whole family is Whitstable. This little seaside town has also provided a huge number of wonderful memories. Every August we would achieve the seemingly impossible and fit the whole family, not forgetting Betty, into the tiny terraced house. We would spend the day at the beach; where Carl and the rest of us always enjoyed jumping of the breakwater, or paddling about in an inflatable dinghy, or even just throwing stones at a bottle. We would then return to the house, get out our bag of coppers (usually provided by Nan), find a space on the front step and wait for the carnival to come past. Sometimes the excitement was so great that we would even cycle down the high street to find out how far away it was and then report back to the family. The floats were, without fail, awful; but it didn’t matter to us, as long as we got rid of our bag of coppers. Summer wouldn’t feel the same without the Whitstable carnival and, of course, Carl was always there. My more personal memories of Carl involve the many sleepovers we had as kids. Whether they were in Milton Keynes, Northampton, Whitstable, or at the family headquarters in Pulloxhill; we would love being in each other’s company. My most vivid memories from these, which I’m sure Nan and Granddad share with me, are the time that I puked all over Carl in my sleep at Whitstable (I’ve been told by my brothers that this must be included in the speech) – he was as happy as could be expected about that; and the endless fun we used to have chucking ‘My Little Ponies’ at eachother whenever we slept at the house in Pulloxhill. I can’t be sure why we enjoyed this so much, but I think it’s safe to say that Granddad didn’t quite share the sentiment. However, amazingly, we were always invited back. Other days out that Carl enjoyed were the Northampton Balloon Festival, our numerous trips to Thorpe Park and Woburn Safari Park and visiting castles – a bit of a passion of his. More recently, Carl had ambitions of becoming an actor, I believe Johnny Depp was his idol and he was always very proud of the college productions that he performed in. He was also a bit of a keen poet, for those of you who are not familiar with his work, here is a poem that he composed, try to work out which family member it’s about as I read it, it’s called ‘Amie’. Amie You are like a sister close to my heart Been like that almost from the start When in need with you i can talk So the next step i can walk My future to think of is the now time Making sure its nothing to do with crime You and my brother are a really good help Stops me thinking like a whelp But with you i will never harm a creature Since you have an amazing feature A sister that i will always love As you are a bright white dove Like a sweet smelling flower Always trying to show me the power i hope you both be together forever as you are a sister i can't lose never You are like paper or a card To keep in one piece its very hard A woman that will always smile Something you can see for over a mile We will never know if Carl’s dreams would have been realised, but it’s safe to say that future family events will always feel like they are missing something. I am sure that everyone here misses Carl and feels that some part of their life is now incomplete. So please join me in saying goodbye to our friend, cousin, son, grandson, brother, brother-in-law, nephew, and my oldest friend – Carl, rest in peace. Music: Now you are gone by Basshunter Tribute by John Bucknell In many ways Carl was a typical teenager - in his musical tastes, enjoyment of computer games and interest in girls - but he was also an ambitious drama student who dreamed of being a great actor one day, and a prolific poet who battled to overcome the limiting effects of his epilepsy and natural shyness by expressing his feelings in highly personal verses. Carl was born in Northampton on 19th February 1990, and grew up with his parents, Michael and Christina, and his older brother, Alan. He attended Spring Lane Primary School, Abington Vale Middle School and Northampton School for Boys. At the time of his death he was studying drama at Northampton College. Carl grew up to be a tall well-built young man. At six feet and still growing he liked to patronise his father, Michael, by patting him on the head and asking, “How are you getting on down there?” According to his friend, Aaron, he was “the cheekiest person I ever knew, even cheekier than me.” Despite this, he was very shy and self-conscious. Loyal to his friends, he expected loyalty in return, and woe betide you if he felt you had betrayed his trust. At the same time he was a forgiving person, and never bore a grudge, eager to make up after arguments even if it meant apologising. He could be very emotional and quick tempered, but more often he hid his feelings, channelling them into poetry or long walks. Carl took a pride in his poetry but wrote just for himself or for close friends. Although talented in many ways, he had yet to develop confidence in his abilities, but he found he could communicate with his computer and, in particular, by acting, both of which bestowed a kind of anonymity. On stage, playing a part, Carl’s natural shyness fell away. He took part in plays at school and later at college, longing to be discovered and to follow in the footsteps of Matt Smith, although not to play Dr. Who, but to be the next Johnny Depp. However, acting was not his only talent. He had an eye for design and could arrange shapes and match colours. He enjoyed assembling pictures in frames, drew designs for a bird table and a bicycle shed and planned the decor of his bedroom. He applied his spatial awareness to jigsaw puzzles and word searches, sometimes completing jigsaws upside down for the extra challenge, and no one could complete them more quickly than Carl. Carl was on the cusp of adolescence and young manhood. He was growing up and coming to terms with his new adulthood. In this process, which can sometimes be accompanied by doubts and uncertainties, he was greatly helped by his older brother Alan and by Alan’s Fiancée Amie. The three of them would often go clubbing together. Carl was immensely proud of Alan, and he would talk to Amie about the girls he was interested in, ask her questions about how to treat them, even visiting a jewellers with her. He was looking forward to being best man at their wedding, organising a stag party for Alan and being an uncle to their children. Carl and Amie became like brother and sister. Amie found him quiet at first but as she got to know him better he came out of his shell. He told her of his dreams for the future, his desire to have children and the names he had chosen for them. Sometimes he would text her a running commentary on what he and the family were doing. She felt as if she had known him all her life, rather than only three years. He was able to confide in her and it is one of the things she will miss most about him. One aspect of his life that troubled Carl a lot was his epilepsy. Although he tried hard not to let the condition rule his life, inevitably it imposed restrictions on him. It was the cause of frequent visits to hospital and, on one occasion, prevented him from taking part in a school trip. Worst of all was its effect on his social life, because not everyone was as understanding as they should be. Carl was particularly concerned about what potential girlfriends would think, and Amie remembers talking to one girl on Carl’s behalf. She and Alan felt protective towards him. One way of coping with his condition was the use of humour. When he nearly drowned in a swimming lesson and ended up in intensive care, his father Michael joked that Carl had wanted to “kiss the bottom of the pool,” and made his son laugh. Carl was determined to enjoy life. High on his list of likes were ice cream, Coca Cola (never own brands), takeaways and dogs. When the family’s dog Cindy died, Carl put together a frame of photographs of her for Michael, and Cindy was in many ways Carl’s dog. He listened to the music of Basshunter, Eminem, and Bob Marley, as well as R ‘n’ B, Metal and 80s bands, and he got his friend Aaron into Ozzy Osbourne. He was passionate about clothes and took great pride in his appearance. He loved loud shirts and wore a bright Hawaiian shirt with Bermuda shorts on his first day at college. It was a statement. “I’m going as me,” he told his parents. But he also liked to wear collared shirts and ties, and no one could ever call him “scruffy.” He would try on several outfits before going out, change clothes several times a day and spend hours ironing them to perfection. Haircuts also had to be just right, and Carl was proud of being able to grow a beard in a short time. Of course, he wanted to look like Johnny Depp, and once bought a Pirates of the Caribbean Captain Jack Sparrow costume for a college play he was appearing in. It cost a fortune and he wore it just the once! It won’t surprise you that Carl always took far too many clothes on holiday, and shopped for more when he was there. He greatly enjoyed holidays with his family, although in Germany, on his first trip abroad, he complained that no one spoke English and he didn’t like the food. However, he loved the visit to his father’s native country, and tripping on the steps of the famous tribune at Nuremburg caused much amusement. For several years the family has stayed at Waxham near Yarmouth, and it was here on 19th June, while walking the family dog, Cassie, on the beach, that Carl died. His epilepsy had become more severe in recent weeks. The family can take some comfort from the knowledge that Carl would not have known anything about it, for he never remembered any of his seizures. Nor was he completely alone; the much-loved Cassie was at his side. Carl was only at the beginning of his adult life, and we shall never know what he might have achieved, but in the short time he was with us he touched the hearts of those who came to know him. His family have been much moved by the many expressions of sympathy and regret that they have received from his friends, fellow students and teachers. Cecil Day Lewis wrote these lines in From A Time to Dance. His laughter was better than birds in the morning, his smile Turned the edge of the wind, his memory Disarms death and charms the surly grave. Early he went to bed, too early we Saw his light put out; yet we could not grieve More than a little while, For he lives in the earth around us, laughs from the sky. Reflection You will all have your own personal memories of Carl. We shall now have a few moments without words so that you can reflect, each in your own way, on what Carl meant to you. If you have a religious faith, you may wish to say a silent prayer. Committal Now it is time to commit Carl’s body to its natural end. Here, in this last act, in sorrow but without fear, in love and appreciation, we return Carl’s body to the earth that sustains all life. We feel privileged that he lived. We grieve that he is no longer with us but we are content that he will live on in the hearts, lives and memories of those who knew and loved him. We took delight in his friendship, We remember with gratitude his character and his qualities. We commit his achievements to memory. We hold him in our hearts. And now with love we leave him in peace, And with respect we bid him farewell. Closing Words Thank you all for joining us today to celebrate Carl’s life and bid him a last farewell. I have been asked to thank all of you who have helped his family, and his friends for being his friends. Carl was a strong supporter of Epilepsy Action and donations in Carl’s memory may be made to this charity. There is a way in which none of us will ever really be gone. The personality you knew as Carl may be no more, but the atoms that made his body, forged long ago by the death of stars, can never be destroyed. He has returned to the earth from which he came, to be an integral part of the natural world in all its beauty. He is at peace now, under the wide and open sky, forever a part of this place, through the green of summer, the mists of autumn, the starkness of winter and the freshness of spring, as the cycle of life continues around him. But always remember that Carl is not just here – for as long as you live, he is a part of each one of you. Music: Freebird by Lenord Skinard